Game of Thrones Review - A Dance with Awesomeness Spoilers NSFW

Hi guys and gals....

I really do not care about Jon Snow or Arya or anyone else except for 4 people this week, and those people are Dany, Tryion, Stannis and Shireen. Everyone else can go fuck themselves for a week because they offered nothing except either creeping, following people around or looking into the distance, with an air of melancholy. Yeah, I am sad looking at you Jon Snow!

Let's start with Stannis. (You bastard)

Prepare for rant in 5,4,3,2,1. You asshole! You complete and utter asshole! Just as I was thinking you could be someone I could like, and actually wish to see on that stupid Iron Throne, Stannis you went and fucked it all up. Like what the hell? OK we all know Melisandre is hot. She does have fantastic boobs and we definitely  wouldn't mind a look in her black baby hole, but seriously dude. You fucking killed your own child. Those screams were haunting. As a parent who has a child about her age, it truly was disturbing, harrowing and extremely hard to watch, but it is supposed to be. It's not meant to be comfortable to watch anyone die, if it was then you don't need to be on this earth. Stannis has now become public enemy no 1 and with Davos away, not knowing what was about to happen, then may the Lord of Light help Stannis when he gets back. Fuck I hope he smashes Stannis' stupid face in with Shireen's book, all Misery like. Its sad that the one person willing to help the little lass was the one person who cared least for her, and that was her own mother. This is one of those episodes in a TV show I will not be able to watch again for this scene. It is the talking point of the week and one which shows just how far Stannis is willing to go. But after this does he deserve his destiny? All he deserves in my opinion is a bow to the balls and a spear to the frontal lobe.

Gladiator 2.0

OK so we know that GoT has a 6 million dollar budget per episode, but holy shit did they blow it all on these last 3 episodes? We had giants and white walkers last week and now we get an amazing Colosseum which makes Russell Crowe's look like a dusty abandoned car park. From start to finish it was a spectacle, and one which will have major repercussions for all of the main characters, not least of all Tryion, who I can only assume is now king of Mereen. Well done Tyrion. Now, level the fucking place and get the hell out of dodge. But the big question is, has Jorah infected her with Greyscale? If so how the hell is that gonna play out? Are they going to move to a summer vacation spot in Valyria? Don't think Drogon would be too happy about that but then again, DROGON bitches. What an entrance. Mummy is in trouble so I am gonna burn you mother fuckers. Drogon is by far the most natural of her dragons. He knows what it is to be loyal but also knows that he needs to be big and strong for her. Not caged and weak like the others. I am going to love seeing how that all plays out.

Quick notes

• Oly you little dick do not kill anyone or you will feel my wrath.
• If Dany is infected does that mean Missandre is infected too? Noooooo she's hot.
• Arya needs to get into a groove very quickly. We expect great things from her this season. Not freaking washing dead bodies!
• The many faced god sees a lot. What does he make of Arya lying to him?
• Finally Sam for the throne. I love my Sam. 

Michael

Game Of Throne - Hardhome Review

First off..... MAJOR SPOILERS.

Now that that is out of the way. OMGOMGOMG.

So after 5 weeks of a very slow burn, everything got messed up and escalated in this one episode. I have no idea where to start. But lets leave the madness til last, shall we.

Dany and Tyrion 

Lets chat first about our little man Tyrion. Has he finally met the person he can guide to the throne? It is looking like it. Tyrion brings a lot of experience of commanding and ruling to the table and there are some brilliant exchanges between himself and Dany already. Dany doesn't want things to stay the same. He wants to demolish the big houses and let the common people have the remains. Is this a sound plan? Can she succeed? She could gain even more enemies than she already has with this strategy. But then again it might just be what Westeros needs.

Dany and Jorah

Jorah is exiled again. That man just cannot catch a break. First, he gets exiled, then gets infected by a Valarian stone man, and now he is exiled once again and seems to be on a path of self-destruction. I like Jorah. I have been that guy who likes the girl but she doesn't feel the same so you kinda hang around and see how it works out hoping. It's not nice but it is where he is. Jorah really just needs to get himself very, very laid. Although he probably spent a lot of coin in that brothel in Volantis, if you know what I mean...

Arya and Jaqen H'ghar.

Arya is on the path of the assassin it looks like. Her character is kind of just mulling time until she has the chance to strike the rest of those names off of her list, and that could be a long time away. First though, she has to kill an insurance sales man. Jesus I would worship the many faced god if I could do that! But will this all just lead Arya to ruin? She is trusting a murderer to teach her to murder. At what point will he try something? Can she trust a man with no face and no name?

Reek and Sansa

I have said it before and I will say it again. I do not like Reek. I think he is a terrible character and adds nothing more to the show. But sweet Jesus what a reveal. I was literally on the edge of my seat going "Is he going to tell her?" and then he did. What a moment. This changes Sansa's goals immensely. She now knows / believes she is not the last Stark in the world and that gives her a fire in her belly and a reason to be strong, to not just give up. I hope she kills that weasel Ramsay. I wouldn't mind Reek doing it but it would have the be unbelievably brutal, in order to redeem him. Like, I mean him literally ripping him to pieces with his bare hands, gnawing his face off like a rabid dog kind of brutal.

Cersei

 Cersei is not having a good time of it at all. Her plans have all backfired and Tommen seems to just want to curl up with some Radiohead and forget the world, and the stress brought upon him with the looming trials of both his wife and mum at the moment. How could we blame him? Cersei has put in motion events she has no control over and they are all coming to bit her in the arse. She is where she deserves to be but she has to break at some point. She is not that strong a woman, she is not Ned Stark. When she does break, it is going to be very interesting for those around her and especially if she spills the beans on her lover brother and her children born of incest.

The Big Battle

That picture above describes it best. A man defeated even before the real battle has begun. What an amazing 20 minutes it was. We have found out a lot. That the undead have a leader. The Nights King. That he was the 13th lord commander of the Nights Watch and now he is taking his revenge. He can raise the dead all on his own Oh and he just said you are all fucked to the whole of Westeros. But we also find out that maybe Jon Snow is special after all after killing a white walker with just a sword or the sword is special because it is Valarian steel (Dragon Steel). Only time will tell on that one but when it happens you could hear the world go WFT in unison. This was a brutal battle and one with no hope of victory for Jon. Is this a foreshadowing of what is to come? Yes definitely. Could we see a Dany / White Walker show down in the final season? Well it is looking that way. But one thing is for sure. The squabbles of the men and lady for an iron throne mean nothing to an undead army just looking to wipe them all from existence.